I have friends I've talked to for close to days worth of time in voice and text chats in groups but 1 on 1 I can't talk to them at all or keep a conversation going. I have another friend I can talk with for ages when I meet him but when we talk 1 on 1 over text it's a bit more difficult to keep it going. Right now though, we're talking over text in a group with 1 other friend who's currently asleep and it's easy to keep it going. What do you think causes this? I feel like there's some term to describe this but I'm not sure what it is.
What makes it easier to talk in groups than 1 on 1?
- Thread starter rajlego
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I think sometimes conversation just pauses naturally. When we chat to each other, either electronically or face to face, we both receive a lot of information and give out a lot of information. The brain needs time to process what it's heard and that's why sometimes conversation can be stilted, no matter what the medium.
Also, we all respond to conversations in a different way. I love text conversation and am constantly talking to or checking in, with my friends. It makes me feel connected to them. Sometimes, I have nothing that I want to say, so I can go days or weeks without speaking to close friends. The thing I like most about text conversation is the informality that comes with text, it brings you right back to the present moment, so that you can pick up a conversation from weeks ago like it was only yesterday.
I have other theories about texting/mesaging, but I don't want to derail your thread!
Also, we all respond to conversations in a different way. I love text conversation and am constantly talking to or checking in, with my friends. It makes me feel connected to them. Sometimes, I have nothing that I want to say, so I can go days or weeks without speaking to close friends. The thing I like most about text conversation is the informality that comes with text, it brings you right back to the present moment, so that you can pick up a conversation from weeks ago like it was only yesterday.
I have other theories about texting/mesaging, but I don't want to derail your thread!
Texting can be asynchronous while speaking is always synchronous. The former can be done according to your own schedule, while the latter is immediate. Some people are better in one to one conversations and not so good in groups, from an interpersonal perspective. And others aren't that into text chat and prefer face to face. Your answers may lay there.
With texting and the asynchronity, the extra time to process is both a blessing and a curse. For a discussion about some topic of interest that is not important (or more like, if one of us is wrong or right it won't effect either of us much) the extra time can help me think out logic. But for discussions of topics of importance that have an impact on the emotional or mental wellbeing of a friend the extra time kills me because I end up overthinking. And for open ended conversations that don't have some clear way to progress or be discussed (like banter) it's also difficult because I have trouble weighing what options will be well received and overthink those too.
With what you said, Bee, about being able to pick up conversations maybe it's easier because it's people you can be comfortably silent with. I guess the issue is that I've talked with certain people plenty but I don't really know them on a more deep level so it's difficult to say something that I can't expect well the response of or that might be received awkwardly. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it do to lack of social experience,
Also rereading my original post I failed to make something clear: 1 on 1 or in groups in person, I'm usually fine. In text, in groups, I'm fine. But 1 on 1 texts are not so fine.
With what you said, Bee, about being able to pick up conversations maybe it's easier because it's people you can be comfortably silent with. I guess the issue is that I've talked with certain people plenty but I don't really know them on a more deep level so it's difficult to say something that I can't expect well the response of or that might be received awkwardly. Or maybe I'm just overthinking it do to lack of social experience,
Also rereading my original post I failed to make something clear: 1 on 1 or in groups in person, I'm usually fine. In text, in groups, I'm fine. But 1 on 1 texts are not so fine.
Some time ago I learned the art of public speaking. I have taught classes before and have many times dealt 1 on 1 with technical issues. While I am sure I'm not perfect, I wonder if my group-vs-single skills are almost balanced (by having studied speech more formally in high school and in college). It is also possible that it disqualifies me from participation here except in passing, because I don't know that I experience a difference in the way I feel when talking to singles or groups. If I can't experience a difference, I can't analyze it.
The impact was subtle but pervasive. It was a confidence-builder more than anything else, but that is incredibly important. During various parts of my career I was asked to make presentations because folks knew I was not afraid to speak publicly. The opportunity to do something that other members of the staff weren't so good at doing? Priceless because it added to my worth and meant that in tough times, I was less likely to be laid off because I was a "multiple tasks" person, not a "one trick pony." I wasn't necessarily more technically astute than my co-workers - but I was absolutely more capable of presenting some concept. Before my government contractor days, the marketing guys often took me along on field trips to make customer presentations as an articulate techie guy who was fast on my feet during questioning. They WANTED me along because I spoke well and cleaned up nice.
There were at least a few times when I was able to volunteer for a speaking or teaching job so the boss wouldn't have to ask for someone else to do the job. I always made it clear that if nobody else would do it, I would do it. That's how I obtained an "expert" reputation for computer security. I took the classes that "trained the trainer" and passed along what I had learned. And in the process I gained in wide-spread personal reputation because of it. When I finally retired, the party was well-attended because I had impressed enough people and made enough friends that they were truly sad to see me go. (Including some of them asking the question of "Who's going to teach that class now?", usually said plaintively.)
There were at least a few times when I was able to volunteer for a speaking or teaching job so the boss wouldn't have to ask for someone else to do the job. I always made it clear that if nobody else would do it, I would do it. That's how I obtained an "expert" reputation for computer security. I took the classes that "trained the trainer" and passed along what I had learned. And in the process I gained in wide-spread personal reputation because of it. When I finally retired, the party was well-attended because I had impressed enough people and made enough friends that they were truly sad to see me go. (Including some of them asking the question of "Who's going to teach that class now?", usually said plaintively.)
Interesting post there Doc. I went to a few Toastmaster clubs over the years, and I believe the public speaking skills are hugely valuable. You put yourself into potential leadership positions, where your speaking ability alone is enough to raise your pay grade. I never stuck at it long enough to get any good at it, but even going a few times was useful.