The voices in my head hurt me

[Jon]

...or help me. Yet for some unfortunate individuals, they are cause for alarm. Consider a schizophrenic having a psychotic episode. It could potentially lead them to do something damaging. Criminal violence is 4 times more likely if you are schizophrenic, so maybe this plays a part. I don't really know.

What fascinates me is this...The voices in my own head, they are kinda blurry and muffled, if you get what I mean. I use them to try to make sense of the world, work things out and so on. So what is different about the voices in my head and those of a schizophrenic? Do their voices seem like they are coming through their ears, with the same kind of clarity? If so, how do they know they are hearing voices and not someone they can't yet see? Do they look at the fidelity of the voice, or what is the distinguishing factor between "their" voice and "the voices"?

 

[The_Doc_Man]

For me, sometimes those voices are merely me trying to work thought a potential scene (or set of scenes) for something I would want to write.

They can be directed, so I see it as nothing more than an active imagination. The people who have issues would be those who cannot direct the voices to another scene or topic.

 

[jen_etic_flaw]

I have several friends who are schizophrenic. I will ask them directly.

From what I can gather from previous conversations, they actually believe they are talking to another person.

Therefore, I believe that the ‘voice’ of inflection is a conscious thing. We humans, by nature, will try to reason with ourselves. The word ‘inflection’ is key here.

 

[Bee]

I think that unless the voices you are hearing are urging you to cause harm to yourself or others, chances are there's no cause for alarm. When I think about things, I tend to do it pictorially rather than having a conversation inside myself. Everyone is different though.

 

[jen_etic_flaw]

I disagree with you. Being stuck in your own internal narrative for far too long, whether you are mentally ill or not, *is* harmful.

 

[Bee]

I suppose it depends on the level of external stimulus you also have. If you are solitary and only have your internal narrative for company, then I'd agree with you.

 

[jen_etic_flaw]

I’m afraid I will have to disagree again.

People can feel alone and be surrounded by many. I feel that there is a difference between inflection, choosing to be alone, wanting to be alone (and secretly not wanting to) and feeling lonely.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

What you are calling inflection may be what my (older) generation at various times called introspection and meditation. During those times you must be alone to avoid the distraction. Sometimes, when my mother was still alive but seriously ill, I would meditate to try to understand what was going on. The problem was that as an only child and with my father already gone, I had too many chances to meditate. I was still playing tennis back then, but even with lighted courts, I could only spend time with my group to about 8:30 or 9:00 because we all had day jobs. I was a lousy date so nobody wanted to be with me. Oh, they were interested at first, but few wanted a repetition of a brooding, quiet guy obviously focused on someone else. I fell into the category of "surrounded by many but still feeling alone."

Fortunately, with help from a good therapist, I survived that period and became good company again. Actually, I found a way to force myself to socialize - I took ballroom dancing lessons from the Arthur Murray chain of studios. Every Friday they held a "mixer" in which the idea was, OK you've taken dance lessons and can dance with the instructors - but can you dance with anyone else? I got pretty good based on the average of what I used to see at the local dance halls. (And yes, they DO exist - just not prominently.) By studio standards, I was beyond Bronze and into Silver on eight dances, and was able to do basics on four or five more styles. Gave it up because to reach Gold standard you had to learn exhibition moves and I wasn't there for exhibitions. Not to mention it wasn't cheap.

For several years I lived parceling my daytime between introspection and being alone without wanting to be. Work was a grind, but it kept my mind on something else than the pain of involuntary loneliness.

 

[Jon]

Nice insight there Doc and appreciate the transparency. It helps me and others realise that the human condition is a common one. And I know only too well the difficulties of being a carer of parents.

I went to a ballroom dancing club while at Uni. Can do the Rhumba, Waltz, Tango, Cha Cha Cha, jive and a few others.

 

[Bee]

Ah, well, if we are on ballroom dancing bragging rights, then I have got all of my medals and qualifications in Latin and Ballroom up to (but not including) teaching. I'll see if I can dig some photos out!

 

[The_Doc_Man]

I have claims on Fox Trot, Waltz, Rhumba, Cha-Cha, Tango, Mambo, Samba, two varieties of Swing, and lesser skills with the Hustle, Merengue, Paso Doble, and a couple of line dances. Silver standard on most, but bronze on the "lesser" category. Since I was never involved in the exhibition standards, I have no photos to be hauled out.

 

[Jon]

Blimey Doc, you trumped me there!

 

[The_Doc_Man]

As an addendum to this part of the thread related to loneliness...

I took the dance lessons with a strategy in mind to help me learn how to re-socialize after spending nearly 5 years in emotional isolation tending to Mom before she passed. After I reached the Silver standard for the studio, I let it go because there was nowhere else that I wanted to go in the dance world. I'm not an exhibition dancer, never was, and it was never in my personality even before Mom's illness became apparent. So I amicably parted ways with the studio simply because I had reached that fork in the road.

Armed with the knowledge of how to be a good dancer, I went to various dances at various venues around the city. Some were merely commercial events so the band's musicians could get a paying gig; others were church-sponsored "record hops" with a DJ of dance music, something for people to meet-and-greet. At one of them, I met my dear Linda. She was there after her 1st marriage had already started into the legalities of dissolving and she didn't want to be alone in her suddenly empty house. The guy she was supposed to meet didn't show up. I saw her standing on the sidelines looking wistfully at the dancers with a bit of sadness in her eyes so I asked her to dance. She said "Yes" and before the evening was done, I had asked her for a date. This November we will have been married 25 years, so it appears that my socialization strategy worked. With 3 step-kids and 3 grands, I'm certainly not alone any more.

 

[Jon]

That is a really sweet story there Doc. I think being pro-active and putting yourself out there is key. That is where preparation meets luck.