Loneliness is the new pneumonia

[Jon]

In the past, pneumonia was everywhere and a big killer too. Before antibiotics, there was little we could do to treat it effectively. It shortened lives.

Yet today, loneliness is on the rise. While technology advances relentlessly forward, it has hijacked face-to-face social interaction. Yes, we can twit this and tweet that, we can WhatsApp and send our pics. But is that not different to sitting there, in the room, with complete visceral awareness of your surroundings? Are we just living our lives vicariously, a lesser substitute for the real thing?

There has been plenty of research that suggests loneliness is a big killer. Those with good social networks have longer lives. The data is in. It is a fact.

Is loneliness the modern pneumonia equivalent, that just takes a little longer to shorten lives?

 

[Bee]

I've posted before about loneliness. And I feel some shame in admitting that I am lonely. I enjoy my own company - need that solitude really to function, but Christmas for example was a bugger. It's a family time, but I don't have any family. My best friend of 20 years died (on Christmas Day, ironically) 6 years ago. It's very hard to make firm friendships.

I don't have children. There will be no-one to keep me company in my dotage. So, I've accepted that this is how life is and I'm making small changes.

I've just taken on a lodger and he moves in at the end of the month. When I'm away for work, I'll be living with 2 male housemates. I then have the choice whether to be social or retreat.

But, there's a part of me that knows it still won't address the main problem I have, which is that sometimes, I just want someone to give me a cuddle and tell me everything will be okay.

 

[Jon]

Bee, I was listening to something about loneliness on the radio yesterday. I think they were talking about how it has gone up significantly. I don't really understand all the contributing factors, but it does exist. I don't really have any solutions, but I do have a mental toolkit for looking at the problem.

Consider the use of "inversion." It is a method of reversing a problem to come up with solutions. So, if you want to learn how to be successful in business, just look at all the ways you can fail. You may think it amounts to the same thing and it does to some extent. But it flips the focus on what you look at. Let me give an example of how I applied it to my problem of getting up earlier.

I just created the following thread to illustrate: https://themindtavern.com/community/threads/inversion-a-tool-for-change.333/

 

[Bee]

I use this tool also - but I know it as reverse engineering. It's very useful and I have applied it to a degree to my own situation (getting a lodger, living with housemates). I realise that both of those activities will deal with some of the symptoms, but ultimately don't resolve my biggest problem which is the lack of physical contact and bonding.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

I felt the soul-crushing pressure of being alone during the time just after my mother entered the nursing home as part of her downward descent to the dark depths of dementia. My father had passed away a couple of years earlier and he was HER support system. Then it fell to me and I had no siblings to help me. My few remaining aunts, uncles, and cousins were 300 miles away to the east and nearly that far to the west. That was when I had to find a psychiatrist who could hold me together under the stress. The pressure to find a companion was high but my ability to keep someone's attention was low. Let's be honest, I was a lousy date because I was so distracted by my mother's situation. I learned to see myself in a different way and eventually grew past my suicidal thoughts, but at the time it was happening, I wasn't sure that I would do so. Because of that time in my life, I understand all too intimately how being alone can cause you to have issues such as depression and stress.

I eventually found a partner, which led to a marriage, which led to grandkids (from her kids from her first marriage). Now I have some family in the area and we talk, visit, have gatherings now and then... I know I am not totally alone and it comforts me. But yes, loneliness is quite a real condition that should be addressed to avoid stress and depression.

 

[Bee]

Today was also International Kiss a Ginger Day.

I had exactly 0 offers. Humph.

 

[Jon]

I' waiting for the International Save the White Male Day.

 

[The_Doc_Man]

Bee, for what it is worth, if any ginger approaches me, I would oblige. However, I think in this case we are to be defeated by distance.

Here's a virtual kiss: <<<< smooch! >>>>

 

[Jon]

Don't tell the wife!

 

[Bee]