Is marriage an outdated concept?

Jon

Jon

Administrator
Staff member
#1
#1
Let's face it, back in the day we didn't live very long. In 1800, life expectancy was typically around 36 years, with most of us dying of infectious disease, and we all had pretty bad teeth too! If you got married at 18, you would be with your partner for on average 18 years. Actually, my math might be out on that. Any mathematicians on here, who can work out the average length of marriage, given that some might die before 36 and some after? It might affect the average time of marriage, not sure. I digress!

Nowadays, if you marry at 18, you would on average be with your partner for 62 years. That is quite a jump! So 18 to 62 is 62/18=3.4 x the previous average.

Given the analysis above, is marriage now an outdated concept?
 
Bee

Bee

Founding Member
#4
#4
Here's what I've always thought:

People change over time. Sometimes that change is positive, sometimes not - but that's largely irrelevant. The couples who appear to be successful in terms of longevity, are those whose speed of change is closely aligned to their partner's, and who can transition through the change cycle in harmony.

It's quite a feat to do that and it takes hard work, communication, dedication, and commitment*. Not everyone is equipped with those skills, or has developed them sufficiently enough to utilise them to make a long-term relationship work. And perhaps this is where EQ factors more highly?

*That's how you use an Oxford comma, Jon.
 
Jon

Jon

Administrator
Staff member
#5
#5
Bee: Yes, and I know. :p

Two near parallel lines look like they are going in the same direction. But stretch those lines out over 100 miles and you end up in wildly different places. Our human perception is too coarse to notice such subtle differences until you are shouting, "Hey, you over there! I don't recognise you as my husband/wife/non-binary partner!"
 
Bee

Bee

Founding Member
#6
#6
Jon said:
Two near parallel lines look like they are going in the same direction. But stretch those lines out over 100 miles and you end up in wildly different places. Our human perception is too coarse to notice such subtle differences
Click to expand...
Exactly this.
 
I

Insane_AI

Founding Member
#10
#10
Are sexual morality and verified progeny and by extension responsibility to the children still important?
Do financial needs that seem more relevant in our society matter enough to keep this going?

Too many thoughts and threads to respond to, my mind feels like a bouncy ball in a paint shaker but I think the answer is both personal and tied directly to the expected benefits of marriage. I am happy to be married, I have my best friend around on a regular basis. The other details are gravy to me but I'm not normal.
 
T

The_Doc_Man

Founding Member
#11
#11
An interesting point, AI. The "verified progeny" seems important if you watch the Maury Povich show, if only because "sweet young things" are always claiming paternity for their kids and therefore child support. But a lot of the time it turns out that the claimed father just ain't the one. (Why do I hear Michael Jackson's "Billie Jean" playing in the background?)

Of course, verified progeny comes from the Judaic tradition (among others) that inheritance of the family comes through the woman. And back then, virginity was the only way to be remotely sure that the ugly kid is nonetheless a member of the family. (Obviously a throwback, right?)

With today's fluid marriage environment it becomes more difficult to establish proper paternity. DNA testing is definitive but expensive enough for poor people to be unable to afford it. Maybe they should learn what causes the babies to pop out and just stop doing that? And it is actually a pet peeve of mine regarding abortion. It is inappropriate in this thread because it is voyaging far afield from the topic, but I will say this much. I would bet that abortion rates would go down if so many deadbeat dads would have their feet held to the fire with respect to their responsibilities. Which makes me return to your question with this comment: Marriage might be obsolete for the husband and wife but it is not obsolete for the kids.
 
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