I am disagreeable


Staff member
When I did the Hexaco personality inventory test, one of the traits it identifies is how agreeable/disagreeable you are. Here is my score. Off the chart! :oops:


I am starting to believe this is the case too. When seeking advice in many different online discussion forums, I seem to get embroiled in arguments over all sorts of things. All I am trying to do is get answers, but perhaps my politics is a little lacking.

If the telly says x, the crowd says x, Hillary says x, Theresa May says x, I think to myself, "What do I think?", not what do they think. I am not that influenced by what everybody else says, but rather the logic behind the matter. For example, those of you here know my views on voting. I am in near complete isolation on this viewpoint. [Edit: In fairness, most people misinterpret and distort my views on voting, claiming I don't think voting is a good thing. That is not my position, at all. I believe voting is a paradox of sorts.]

I was seeking advice on how best to minimise the care bills costs for my mother. My post on a discussion forum about this seemed to lead to attacks on my character (as I perceived it), mistating my arguments and consequently I was not really getting the information I was seeking. The moderator ended up closing the thread.

Perhaps I have grown less diplomatic over the years. I can imagine Uncle Gizmo here being very tactful. His posts come across with a latent kindless associated with them. I could learn a lot from them!

Do any members here find themselves in conflict very much, or are you living an online (or offline) life of peace, harmony and friendliness?
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Founding Member
I want to divide the question here.

If the telly says x, the crowd says x, Hillary says x, Theresa May says x, I think to myself, "What do I think?", not what do they think.
Well OF COURSE you do. The only way you can internally analyze something is to compare it to your own sounding board as the first part of that very important question: "Here is this thing. What do I need to do about it?" If you are aligned to the Eastern Buddhist and Zen philosophies, you don't ask "WHY" first. You determine the need for action first. THEN maybe you can get around to "WHY."

What happens after that? You are on your own nickel from there.

When I worked for the U.S. Navy (as contractor), I made it a point when people asked me what I thought about something to tell them, "Per contract, my job title is neither liar nor lawyer nor politician. You will get my honest answer, and remember - YOU asked!" I tried to be gentle in my answer and make it devoid of personality, particularly if it was in opposition to the viewpoints of others who were present. But that was simply "not making it personal." It was business. But if it came to political correctness, I did my best to slice through that and get to the techie answer.

Jon, you might know from the Access forum that there are times when I have flat-out pissed off someone looking for help. Usually when they ask for unreasonable things. Thinks like help with their homework that was due tomorrow and they had skipped too many lectures. Got no patience with that kind of irresponsibility.

"Growing less diplomatic over the years" to me is actually a warning of a different sort. I absolutely have never been a diplomat. On the brain, on the lips. But I am NOT growling less diplomatic. On the other hand, I am growing less patient with people who use "political correctness" as a battering ram to espouse attitudes that 20 years ago I would have diagnosed as "crap for brains." :poop:


Founding Member
I generally have an online and offline life of harmony. I dislike thinking I may have upset others and if/when I do, it's not intentional. I'm very forgiving and resilient. I'm also tactful and diplomatic because I need to be able to get the best out of people in my job. I'm also very forgiving if someone behaves badly towards me, but that doesn't mean I am a doormat. To illustrate my point, I received a copy of my psychometric test report yesterday for the job I recently accepted. Here's a snippet:

Careful, diplomatic, accurate, amiable, non-aggressive, detailed, logical, friendly, accommodating, persistent, worrier, unconventional, self-controlled, thorough, dependable, loyal, asks "how", "why" and "who"."

Jon, the whole subject of care is a minefield because many people can't separate logic from emotion - and many of those emotions are negative ones such as grief, shame, fear, anxiety. Unwittingly, you may have prodded a nerve with some who can only relate your questions to their own experiences.