Bee - Nor do I take marriage as a guarantee of life style. I was thinking of it as a way to assure by legal means that someone is there to look out for the kid's interests. I tend to be knowingly inflexible on this issue because I guess I have personally seen too many kids devastated by absentee fathers. A dear friend of mind had a lovely daughter D. whose deadbeat dad left mother S. in a tough way. I saw the kind of pain that the daughter felt more than once. I tried to be nice to her but what she really needed, I couldn't give. I wasn't her dad and S. was seeing someone else for that job.
One of my step-daughters is actually adopted and is technically my niece. Her mother was married but her hubby was leaving her. Then mom got preggers while separated. Daughter M. came around. Mother L. tried to keep things together but husband S. felt he couldn't trust her due to her infidelity (never mind that HE had initiated the separation...). Then, a couple of years later, mother L. developed severe meningitis and died from it. Dad S. was already gone and had disowned M. So my wife adopted M. with her first husband. Years later, I came into the picture. But at the same time, so did biological dad B., who wanted to see his daughter and introduce her to her half-sister K. and step-mother. For some strange reason, M. told him to flip off. Eventually she decided to talk to him. They still aren't close but they aren't worlds apart any more. But you can imagine that a small child losing a father, a mother, and suddenly getting adopted by an aunt just confused the heck out of her. And it is no small wonder that she had "father figure" issues for a long time.
I understand that single parenting occurs because of loss, death, incarceration, and total knock-down drag-out incompatibility. But all too often, it is the uncaring attitude that leaves a child with half a family. Then maybe they try to find a biological father 20 years later. But in the process, we have a child who has at least potentially been damaged by such an uncaring set of parents. There is that question, "Was I not good enough for my Mommy and Daddy?" The first time I heard a child say that, I wanted to break down and cry.
But I have digressed again. My issue is that a careless lifestyle is tantamount to criminal behavior if it results in creating a child who will enter the world with an automatic set of future stresses just waiting to kick in. And it includes taking money out of my pocket for someone else's fling. Let's be clear. I do not begrudge the charitable donations to help children of indigent mothers. But I BLOODY BEDAMNED begrudge the money that the deadbeat dad isn't paying - but should be paying - for the child he helped to create. I am not happy about the mother, but it is the father who can pick up and leave his lady love dangling.
I make no claims on pre-marital celibacy. But I absolutely know without question - because I stayed in touch with my partners for long enough to be sure - that there are no little "Doc Men" floating around out there. Even if I couldn't stay with the women in question, I knew enough to observe the duty to verify that I wasn't leaving her in a difficult situation.
Perhaps I react more strongly to the irresponsibility, but many ills of USA society come from people who try to avoid responsibility. I was brought up hearing that old bromide, "If you can't do the time, don't do the crime." "If you can't pay, don't try to play." Various phrases regarding the importance of responsibility. Then to see the younger generation shirk responsibility just frosts my cookies.